Nightmare On Balamb Street
by Lionheart1
Summary: Zell takes a wrong turn and ends up taking the rest of the gang to an old deserted house. Mysterious things start to happen to them and they have no way of getting out of the house once Bruce Forsyth turns up. please r+r


Authors note: This is a really lame story my brother and me thought of whilst in a freaky mood. We have been wanting to do a joint fic together since we do share an account together anyway. Please don't take any of this seriously, yes we do have a lame humour but some find us funny. ^_^ 

Disclaimer: We don't own any aspect of Final Fantasy VIII and as much as we'd love to, we don't own Bruce Forsyth or 'Play your cards right'. 

Nightmare on Balamb Street 

A whistling sound was echoing through the trees as a bitter cold wind blew through. The now darkening sky was beginning to form from the brewing storm even though it was still only early evening. Zell took the crinkled map from his pocket and held it out in front of him.

"This is the place," he said turning to the others.

In front of them stood a rickety, old house. Selphie pulled her jacket around herself as the whether was rapidly getting worse "Are you sure this is right?" she said studying the building which stood before her. "This doesn't look that much like a hotel…"

Zell took another glance at the map. "Its what the map says. Maps never lie, right?"

Irvine stared at Zell for a moment. "I've never recalled maps having feelings so why the hell would they lie?"

"You don't know the truth, you don't see what goes on behind closed doors!" Zell snapped back. 

Quistis stared at the three in awe. "Guys it's just a bloody map. Now can we go inside before I freeze to death?"

With that said the others agreed and walked towards the building. They stepped up the wooden, creaky steps letting out squeaking noises as they came towards the front door. Spookily the door came open slightly shrieking as it moved.

"Spooky," Irvine said as they entered the hotel. 

"Don't Irvine," Selphie said hitting him lightly on his arm.

"Gee, someone needs a spring clean," Rinoa said stepping next to Squall as she looked around the dark, dusty interior. 

The gang walked further into the room and came to a stop at what looked like it could have been the reception desk save the pile of dust upon it. All of them jumped in unison as the door, which they had entered in, slammed behind them sending echoes through the walls. 

"You're all going to hate me but…" Zell started "I just realised I had the map the wrong way around" 

Everyone else in the room sighed. "Next time I'm going to carry the map," Squall said moving towards the door, which had previously slammed shut. "Come on, we better get out of here before anyone notices." The others watched as Squall struggled opening the door with no luck. "Its locked," he said a little confused.

Irvine let out a little 'macho' laugh "Don't worry ladies, Irvine will get you out of this," he said stepping forwards to join Squall by the door.

"Oh Hyne we're never going to get out," said Quistis. The other girls giggled together watching Irvine trying to open the door. Zell on the other hand was sulking in the corner and kept whining on how the map had lied to him.

After another hour passed, Irvine finally decided to give up and accepted his defeat with the door and went to sit down on the floor with the rest of his friends. "We're locked in," he said sulkily.

"Well this is great," Quistis started "We can defeat a mad sorceress trying to enslave the world but we can't even open a locked door. What am I supposed to say to the Treppies?"

Zell placed a hand on her shoulder giving it a comforting pat. "There, there Quisty."

Selphie studied the surroundings around her. "It's not all that bad, a little bit of spring cleaning and this could be a pretty nice place" 

Suddenly a pink mist of smoke filled the room and then out of nowhere came the sound of an applause, when the smoke thinned down a bit the others saw a figure starting to appear. It gradually got clearer and they saw the figure in the smoke was a man. He took a few steps forward and gave them a big grin before taking a microphone, which had come out of nowhere and placed it up near his mouth. "Nice to see you, to see you…."

"Nice!" Zell finished for him; the others just gave him a confused look. "Hey look its Bruce Forsyth"

The others faces remained the same and just blinked blankly at Zell "You know, the guy off the TV. He does 'Play your cards right'"

"Do you know a way out of here Mr Bruce, sir?" Selphie asked.

Bruce gave her another one of his cheesy grins "I would usually say that your gonna perish here for the rest of your lives but since you, young lady asked me so nicely I'll just say I don't know!" 

"Why must you be like this? You seemed so much nicer on the TV" Zell said dropping to his knees.

"Isn't there anything you can do?" Selphie begged, ignoring Zell's whining. 

"No can do, the doors close at eleven," he said. 

Squall checked his watch "But its only seven pm"

"We go by European time here so its tough luck," Bruce said "That is unless you want to play with me"

Squall stepped back worried, he didn't like the look in this strange mans eyes. "What do you mean 'play with me'?" Squall asked.

Bruce smiled at him, his eyes flashed with seduction. "Just one of my little games."

Squall took another step back, but felt himself press against the wall. "I'm not sure I want to play these games."

Rinoa gathered up her courage and walked angrily up to Bruce. "Hey mister, stop flirting with my man!" she exclaimed.

Bruce looked at her confused. "What? I wasn't flirting with him; I just wanted to know if he wanted to play 'Play Your Cards Right'. Geez, it was never this hard to get contestants in the UK."

"Oh," Squall sighed in relief. "I dunno, we should be trying to find a way out of here."

"There is no way out of here," Bruce hissed angrily, but quickly smiled again, removing any anger from his face. "There's only one way out of here and I can only help you if you win and get a 'Brucie Bonus'."

Squall looked at him scared. "A what?"

Zell looked at him, surprised that for once he knew more than Squall. "A 'Brucie Bonus', it's a special prize for winning the game. Maybe we'll get the microwave…" Zell said hopefully.

"So, Squall are you going to play?" Quistis asked.

"I guess," Squall said reluctantly. "There's no other way to get out of here."

"Excellent," Bruce said rubbing his hands together. "There's no backing out now…oh, one rule I forgot to tell you. If you lose, you die!" As this was said, a loud thunder crash echoed around the house from outside.

With this Bruce threw something against the ground, large plumes of pink smoke were released that filled the room. Squall and the others were blinded; covering their eyes they waited for the smoke to clear. As they did they heard loud squeaking noises. The smoke cleared, revealing two fat, sweaty men pushing in the set of 'Play your cards right'.

Bruce stared at them. "Damn!" he shouted, before throwing another object down that released more pink smoke. The gang covered the eyes again and heard more squeaking noises. This time when the smoke cleared the set was in place and the fat, sweaty men had disappeared.

Bruce smiled, giving Squall's shoulder a squeeze. "Let's begin!"

Authors note: You see, I told you we had a strange sense of humour! Please try not to flame us too much! Review and tell us what you think.

Coming soon: Squall plays 'Play You Cards Right' ^_^ 


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